New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
