sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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