I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize