i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
