just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
