i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
