I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
