My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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