In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
