I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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