i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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