My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize