I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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