Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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