i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you win again, gameday.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
