I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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