Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
