my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
