Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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