either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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