I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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