So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
