I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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