it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
