I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ttyl tear gas
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
