I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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