I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
