It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
