I wish I could teleport
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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