My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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