I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
