You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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