Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
