No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
