TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
