well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
