I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
