Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Quick, to the slutcave!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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