I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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