When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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