it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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