We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
