I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
