first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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