dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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