FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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