Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
