Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
