I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
