I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
