K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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