now i know why i became what i already was.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i believe in u and ur pee
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
