You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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