Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
