I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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