I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
420 ftw
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
