I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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