dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize