When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
