i jhust puked up my retainher.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
