I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
